Lucky's Lounge /355 Congress Street Boston, MA 02210/ (617) 357-5825

This one is hard.  Mainly because I like Lucky's Lounge.  It's unique.  It's anti-Boston at times and oh-so-far-too-Boston at others.  I have experienced the good clean fun of a Sunday Sinatra Night and the Frat House Nightmare of a Friday and Saturday night.  I prefer Sundays.  Most people who have been there, I would say, have a special place in their heart for Lucky's, myself included, and that is why this is so hard.

Lucky's vaunted underground-esque entrance sans sign

Let's just say that the Lucky's Sinatra Brunch is one of the more talked about in Boston.  But once again, I have no idea why I listen to anyone when it comes to good food around this city.  This place was utterly, horribly, painfully disappointing.  The old schooly atmosphere of Lucky's is what makes it worth the trip.  Don't get me wrong, the music was good.  But the food...what the hell are you people doing?!?!  No, really.  You have a reputation to uphold for your own sake.  If you care, that is. Where to start?  The menu isn't bad.  Not a huge selection, but that in itself isn't exactly detrimental for a possibly hungover-ridden Sunday brunch. I chose the Steak&Eggs, which is almost always fail-safe.  I know, I know, skirt steak is not top sirloin, nor is it a cheap new york strip, as most steak&egg breakfasts tend to offer.  But hey, most people in the year 2011 know what to do to a skirt steak in order to make it exceptionally palatable. I was excited about the fresh squeezed orange and grapefruit juice and both myself and one of my fellow brunchers asked for the OJ.  I quickly changed my mind since I hadn't had fresh squeezed grapefruit juice in a number of years.  The sweet and smiley waitress/bartendress was happy to change my order for me, although she was quick to ask whether or not I would like a glass of ice with that, since the G-Juice came from a can.  Confused, I decided on coffee and water.  The aforementioned fellow bruncher stuck with his OJ, which, since we were sitting right next to the bar and could see all of the drinks being poured, mysteriously was poured into a glass from a gallon jug.  Now I like to give most people the benefit of the doubt, but is it really more efficient to pre-fresh squeeze OJ super early in the morning for an hour or two, or just wait for someone to order it to squeeze out all of that fresh goodness at that precise moment?  Something tells me that neither of those things happen at Lucky's for brunch.

Disclaimer:  The coffee at Lucky's is phenomenal.

That is what I was drinking, after all.  In the midst of noticing where the OJ came from, our breakfast was on the table.

Cold Hash Browns, Tiny Piece of Cold & Rubbery Skirt Steak, 3 Almost Warm Eggs

Most people would not complain about a lighting-fast-served breakfast.  But too fast is often too fast.  Either the staff at Lucky's is clairvoyant, or someone had ordered my breakfast 10 minutes before me and changed their mind like me with the freshly canned grapefruit juice.  Not only did this food come out too quickly but it was COLD AS SHIT, if shit were cold, that is.  And I do mean less than lukewarm.  The hash browns had good potential, if they had been warm.  Hot may have even made them impressive.  The "5 oz. Skirt Steak" was, in fact, a skirt steak.  But 3 ounces of meat would have been a vast exaggeration.  A cold, rubbery exaggeration. The eggs were actually still warmish.  I see why three eggs are offered, considering the false advertising as per the amount of steak.

 Instead of toast, I asked for a substitution of home fries.

OK, if any of you were like me when you were a kid, you were interested in cooking but had no clue what cooking was about.  Your first attempt at "home fries" may have very well been some semi-fried potatoes with a certain combination of every spice in the spice cabinet with the hope that they would be a masterpiece.  That is what these home fries tasted like.  A masterpiece for a 4 year old and a joy for the parents who gag and smile with every bite and don't bother trying to feed it to the dog under the table because they know it isn't worth the effort.

Homefries with everything including the kitchen sink and its dirty dishwater

Reportedly, the breakfasts of my constituents ranged from edible to fairly enjoyable.  Lucky dogs.  I mean, people.  I would have thought about trying some of theirs, but after the first bite of home fries, I was done eating for the morning.  Sadly enough, this $15, 2-3 oz., cold, rubbery skirt steak with 3 warmish eggs, cold hash browns, and inedible home fries, coupled with phenomenal coffee, made for a food experience that was in no way worth repeating.  Not to mention that we showed up just before the music started and the dining room wasn't yet 1/4 full.  Being too busy to make a decent meal wasn't an excuse for this epic failure.  One final note, that I wasn't able to cleverly fit it until now but wish I could have.  The drink list not only includes fresh squeezed orange and grapefruit juices, but some good looking morning cocktails.  I would really be intrigued by what the Lucky's Espresso Martini tastes like. Especially considering Lucky's doesn't have espresso.  Just saying.  Please don't hate on me for hating on Lucky's Lounge.  It is somewhere that I would bring an out of town friend to for a change of Boston pace.  Just not for brunch.  Get it together guys.